April 4, 2025 (noon)

Today I was at my wife’s cremation

There was a storm advisory.  It was raining and cloudy, but everything was still bathed in bright light at noon.  Later that day it became overcast and gray.

The crematorium was shaped like a rectangular box much like the containers inserted into the cremation chamber. 

Nora was lying on a wooden flatbed covered by a rectangle cardboard box beside the cremation chamber.  It was a box in a box in a box.  I asked that a picture be taken.

  

I had to be with Nora during this transition.

I was relieved and pleasantly overcome.  Nora was still wearing her hospital gown and blanket.  She had the hospital paper identifying bracelets still on her wrist.  She had a white paper bracelet on her left ankle (no doubt identifying her to the crematorium). 

She looked very well.  She looked great.  Her eyes and mouth were closed.   She was in her natural state without make-up or primping.  She did not look pale.  She looked peaceful and calm without care or worry.  She looked like she was just sleeping.  I was glad that she was not subjected to any kind of major invasive and transformative procedures.  She genuinely looked like Nora.

But she felt cold.  I said goodbye to her twice.  They had to lift the cardboard covering a second time. 

 I pressed the button to start cremation, (better I, than a stranger).

 The fire raged and roared loud inside that huge metal cremation chamber. 

I faced the opening, standing, hands clasped in what universally is recognized as a sign of praying.  I stood silently in remembrance.   After some time, I lowered my hands, positioned my left palm facing up with my right palm resting over my left.  It is common when giving and/or receiving a gift.

Finally, after some time, I lowered both hands, closed my eyes and stood in repose. 

I left, certain that her remains were reduced to ash.     

Luis

Celebration of Life: Nora Flores

 

Celebration of Life: Nora Flores – April 26, 2025

(December, 2025: very slightly altered version)

Welcome to this Celebration of Life.  It is what Nora wanted - a celebration of life with all of you as well as with all those that still echo from the infinite past. Thank you all for coming.  I am sure you are dear to Nora in a unique and special way.

Nora is 82 years old.  I am 83.  I am her husband.  I am older than her by 9 months.  My birthday is in February.  Her's is in October.

We have been married shy of 10 years and have known each other for about 2 years more.  That means both of us lived separate lives that spanned 70 years before we met.  I can only speak to 12 of her 82 years.

Since this is a celebration of life, let me offer a maybe-funny, maybe-whimsical fictitious narrative.  The characters in this narrative are not intended to portray any real person, even though the names of real persons are used in the story.

 

The Covert Operatives 

It all started with Emilie, Nora’s eldest daughter.  She handed me $500 saying she would follow it with $500 more.  

“It is to replenish your cache, your go-bag, from which my mother drew about $1000 several days ago,” she explained.  It was part of the stuff we had ready in case we had to activate in a moment’s notice; or, if we had to disappear for good.  I was puzzled and shocked at the same time.  I did not know what to say or how to respond. 

It became clear that Emilie “knew.”  She knew her mother and I were undercover agents; that we were covert operatives.  It did not matter to me why and how she came to know.  The fact is that she knew.  How could Nora be so cavalier as to divulge what we successfully kept under wraps for so long?  

I said nothing.  I was supposed to say nothing.  When I brought it up to Nora, she was calm and undismayed.  “You worry too much and overthink everything,” she replied.  “Give others credit.  No one, in his/her right mind would give credence to such an outlandish preposterous explanation.  This is our real cover.  The cover for our cover.  We can talk about what we do without actually saying or revealing anything.” 

I admit Nora's explanation did make some sense.  I found it appealing but it was not like I had an epiphany.  This was not like Nora.  

Nora continued trying to convince me.  She did not try too hard as she spoke as if she was talking to herself. 

Nora told the story that she frequently related to others, of how when we were young in the Philippines, we lived in the same housing district and went to the same school.  She emphasized that we never knew each other then or ran into each other then.  It was only here, in the U.S., when we were well into our 60’s that we actually met - and later married.

“This is what I mean by saying something but not saying anything,” Nora explained.  What she did not say was that not only were we in the same location in the Philippines on more than one occasion, but we were also in the same location in the U.S. on several occasions. We were in Manhattan, Kansas around the same time for example.  After we retired, Nora worked in many different medical facilities as a locum tenens, meaning that she filled temporary positions for people that were on leave, or positions that were in the process of being filled.  The setup was perfect.  It took us all over the country: Kansas, Missouri, Rhode Island and Alaska were a few of the hubs out of which we worked.  It allowed us to undertake many covert missions at a moment's notice. “There are no coincidences,” Nora reminded me.   

You will note that I am not giving enough specifics to allow anyone here to establish the truth of what Nora and I are saying.  We are not saying anything.  There is no evidence.  There is no record.  

This means I do not have to kill you.  Actually, we never killed anyone – not even the bad guys.  We could have but we didn’t.  We wouldn’t even if we could.  It is not what we signed up for.  We were in communications, strategic maneuvers, logistics and analysis.  We were into meditation, reflection and cogitation.  War of all kinds is our greatest enemy.  There is a misconception that covert work is all about getting away with combat and killing; with hurting and destroying.  This misconception makes money for the entertainment business but is far from the truth.  We were a vehicle; angels of life rather than demons of darkness.  

Still. I was slightly undaunted.  “Who would believe us?”  I muttered under my breath.  I looked at her dubiously.  

“What,” she implored me to drop the subject.  “What? she blurted out again after a pause.”  I would have said “what…what…what.,” echoing the structure of Pilipino where vowel sounds are repeated in rapid succession.  

[example “Inaasaan ko na susubukan mo ang sinabi ko sa iyo.” Translation: “I am hoping you will try I suggested to you.”]

“Oh, all right,” she finally conceded.  She spoke slowly and carefully.  “We may need Emilie,” she said.  “Emilie is a covert operative like we are, only with an organization much more inclusive than the one we belong to.”  Nora breathed a sigh of relief.  It was then that I had an epiphany.  I understood what she was risking.          

“We are safe,” Nora assured me.  She came close and drew me into a long embrace.  “We will never have to pick up and disappear at a moment’s notice,” she continued.  “We will never have to be separated.  We will never have to flip a coin”

“Besides we have our ways, and we have our secret.  Remember the quote that hangs in our bedroom.  There lies the key.  No one will ever figure it out.”  

But where was it in the quote, I asked myself.  Was it in the words?  Was it in the frame?  Was it a link or clue to something else?

What does the quote mean?  What does it hide? 

And I’d choose you,  

in a hundred lifetimes,  

in a hundred worlds, 

in any version of reality.  

I’d find you and 

I’d choose you.

 

 

 

August 1, 2025

 

Coming of age of the elderly: avoiding probate

 

Hi guys,

 

I would have written sooner but I am still on the tail end of a tenacious cough.  Yesterday I had a bad bout with gout and spent most of the day off my feet.  This morning is better than yesterday, but the day has just begun and I can see the swelling in my left foot.  I am hoping for the best or better as the day unfolds. Fortunately, I have Nathaniel and Nickolas to help me.  They are great in this regard.

 

A couple of weeks ago I had an enlightening and enjoyable phone conversation with Bengoy (much earlier I had one with Lanny).  Inevitably, I have to entail the services of a professional – estate planner, financial planner, lawyer, more than one of the above?  I just want to get a better feel for the territory before I jump into the fray.

 

It need be said that you are all executors, in the event of my death or incapacitation, maybe not legally but in actuality and in toto.  I completely trust you will all work things out to the best interests of everyone with respect, justice, love and grace. 

 

Practically, let’s draw the line.  You have the power to do anything you want after I die.  I draw the line in terms of what I want, but you have the power to comply or not comply.  I will not bind you legally beyond the grave.  Beyond what I want, everything else is up to you in toto.  I am sure you guys will do great for each other – with respect, justice, love and grace.

 

It is to your advantage (and mine) for you to address and express your concerns now.

 

August 2, 2025

 

I started writing this letter yesterday morning, but throughout the day the gout was still about.  I think today is the last day.  Had I known it would last this long, I would have sought medication – spilled milk.

 

Let’s get right to it.

 

My first goal was to avoid probate.  Thus, I listed you all as beneficiaries for both houses, in the event of my death - Spring valley and James A. Reed.  I think the market value for each of these houses is above $200,000.  I have been offered a cash settlement for each of these houses for around $150,000 from corporate buyers.  James A Reed is paid off.  Spring Valley has a balance of about $15,000.  Spring Valley is presently rented and managed by someone other than myself. 

 

When I die, you all get equal shares.  If one of you dies before I do, your share gets equally divided between the remaining beneficiaries.  However, if the beneficiary who dies has a wife and children, their share goes to their wife and children.  This is where my line ends. 

 

The big disadvantage with this setup – or so they say (ika nga nila) – are disagreements between beneficiaries. 

 

I think it is therefore beneficial for you who are future beneficiaries to suggest and examine possible options.  I will throw my two cents into the discussion.  Examination and analysis is good, actually essential.

 

I have been advised to protect these properties from being “stolen,” primarily through some form of identity theft.  I am looking into the matter.  One way is to freeze my credit, through the credit bureau.  Another way – offered by the county – is to be notified in the event of any activity involving the properties.  If you know anything, let me know.     

 

-o-o-o-o-o

 

To be continued:

 

 p.s.,

I do not use ChatGPT or AI in writing.  To my mind these are primary language processors.  They are good at retrieving and using information from a data-set. Otherwise, they produce hype and purple prose.  Human beings are meaning processors. 

 

Are there areas in life where we prefer humans instead of AI.  In these areas is AI still better and can one even tell the difference?     

 

AI is a tool as the Internet is a tool.  The “factory system,” has allowed overproduction independent of human need.  What does a machine gun do?

 

End-of-year letter 2024

 

Flores annual 2024 end-of-the-year review 

The year 2024 was marked by traveling and connecting with friends and family. It was all good – exciting, warm and affectionate. Visiting one’s country of origin has the effect of reviving part of one’s essential identity, one’s essential self. 

We spent three weeks in February (2024) in the Philippines. We visited with my sister whose health had taken a downturn. She is jointly cared for by her children. Her eldest child Sandra lives close by and checks on her every day. Understandably, she is always lonely, a consequence of restrictions that accompany aging (socially and physically), as well as compromises brought about by her present medical condition. She mostly misses herself, the self that took care of herself, her life and the lives of many others. Sadness creeps in at different times of one’s life. How could it not? 

I was the recipient of two birthday celebrations in the Philippines, one by family and another by friends. I was acknowledged and praised. It was welcome, however undeserved. It is encouraging and inspiring to see how people manage to find happiness for themselves. The rest of the time we spent at our beachfront home. We named it Flores retreat but everyone there continued to refer to it as Nora’s Island resort. It is not really a resort and does not function as one. 

The roads to the property were still almost impassable but served to preserve the sanctity of our home as a retreat and a reprieve for us; a second home for when we retired. Extended stays have been postponed, partly because Nora chose and will continue to choose to work for as long as she can - if she can. 

 -o-o-o-o- 

We went back to the Philippines again in April for a reunion of Nora’s siblings, 8 of the 13 who are alive and well. Nieces and nephews came from different parts of the world to attend this gathering. The women who were the executives and organizers of the event, decided to hold the reunion at Flores Retreat. It was an unqualified success. It was a riot. Everyone found their place. Everyone was well fed. There were more than enough swirls of laughter and celebration in a week of sustained engagement. 

After that week, Nora and I traveled to tourist sites in the Philippines with two of our dear friends, Mike and Vera. It included a visit to the Chocolate hills of Bohol and to the borderless prison where prisoners lived in a family-community setting while serving their time. Our experiences are too numerous to go into detail in this letter. It was a fun adventure that brought us closer to each other. 

The only setback was the heat. It was warmer than I remembered. Nora says it was a time of “global boil.” Something grows or lives in every square meter in the Philippines (I am invoking license here). We need rain, not a deluge that leads to flash floods. We need a constant breeze to combat the heat. In spite of it all, Filipinos sustain a cheerful happy outlook. They are resilient. They are resourceful. Being happy is not only “okay,” but is expected and necessary. 

 -o-o-o-o- 

What has also happened is our renewed interest in Philippine social and political life. We read up on the Philippines, watch Philippine news (Rappler on the Internet) and generally direct our focus on local events. It has been a long time. It has been an eye-opener, some kind of awakening that is still in its beginning stages. 

For me, I was brought back to my days at the university where discourse about everything and anything was the norm. Radical (non-status-quo) ideas were just part of the mix. It was where I felt most comfortable and why my professional life has been in academic institutions. I could afford to entertain unpopular ideas without fear of reprimand, loss of employment or incarceration. Some of those that came before us were not as lucky. They include writers, journalists, activists and artists. Some that will come after us will not be as lucky as well. 

In the olden days, governments established departments of propaganda to shore up support for the efforts of war. Today there is no need for this because war-time rhetoric and beliefs are normalized. Fear, hate, dominance and greed permeate along with lies and distractions from real issues. They have become entrenched and pose the possible eradication of the illusion that civilized societies can co-exist. 

It can be argued that the destructive sentiments mentioned above have always existed and always will. This is true. However, I submit that what is unique today is global extremism between and within nations, cultures, classes and countries. Many persons will unnecessarily die. 

The times not only call for a renewed radicalization but more important, the times call for elevating humanitarian outcomes above all else. The times call for a stop to the diminution of life and human relationships. The times call for a revitalization of economic, societal and political institutions geared towards achieving equal humanitarian outcomes for all. 

 -o-o-o-o-o-o-o- 

This year has been a year of transition for Nora. These are her words. 

This is Nora: I had a life-threatening event this year. Complications with a new chemotherapy led to severe respiratory failure. I was hospitalized for five days. I was oxygen-dependent for two months, which kept me pretty much bedfast. It took four months to be well enough to return to Kansas City. My recuperation has been slow and tedious, but I get better daily. 

Luis has been here for me the whole time. My children and grandchildren text and call regularly. And visit. I am thankful for my extended family and friends near and far for their prayers, which helps tremendously. My beloved colleagues and co-workers at Fairbanks Memorial Hospital have been my family away from home. We stay in contact. Of course, I have my oncology team at the Kansas University Cancer Center, who has cared for me for the past thirteen years and continues to consider my input on the quality of life I wish to have. They are wonderful. 

I completed my shamanic training in October and have been initiated into the Quero lineage of the high Andes through the Four Winds School of Energy Medicine. My classmates and teachers have been incredible in their support. I follow the messages of my inner shaman, work on my self-healing, and adapt to my disabilities. 

I pay attention to the messages from Spirit for the soul purpose the Divine has for me. It is possible to not only live with cancer (or any disability for that matter) but thrive with it for however long one lives. Shaman speak refers to this as being claimed by life, not death. Each day is a bonus gift. With unconditional love from family, friends, and acquaintances, how can I not be claimed by life? 

-o-o-o-o- 

Due to Nora’s physical difficulties and my advancing age, we have to downsize and move to a different abode. I stopped teaching two years ago. Nora stopped working. It is all well and good – the vicissitudes of a lifespan journey. 

Presently, we reside at our James A Reed home. It is a heavily wooded area with three levels of land and a small brook running alongside the property. It is like-country living in the city. We lost about five trees presumably due to climate change (ouch). Many birds, butterflies, a snapping turtle that used to live in the brook, a groundhog and other wild animals have virtually departed (ouch). I think the groundhog, among others are no longer residents because they failed to nurture their young on our land. The deer population has grown but the squirrel population has decreased. Even though we have resisted manicuring the grounds to protect our equity, it is still very much (even more) a full-time endeavor to maintain. 

Our neighbor Barbara, who now lives with her daughter by necessity, used to spend full days, five days a week nurturing and maintaining her lawn and gardens. She was an artist, always with projects-in-progress. She is missed. We miss others as well that have disconnected for one reason or another. To some we know and others we have known, chronic illness can be a scourge in one’s latter years. 

 -o-o-o-o-o-o 

Otherwise, our kids are all doing well. They are all prospering. They are living their own lives in accordance with their choices. They are happy. 

Nora’s kids came to visit a number of times. We spent two weeks in New York with some of my kids. It was great. It was more than great. These visits are what I consider to as of “real value.”

This year we are hosting our last family Christmas gathering. I am retiring from celebrating Christmas. I am happy and honored to have hosted numerous holiday and birthday gatherings over the years. 

Because Nora and myself are transitioning, the specifics of the future are yet to unfold. We are hopeful, grateful and blessed. We look forward to the years to come. 

Our best wishes and happy holidays to you all. Luis and Nora 

 -o-o-o-o-o-o-o- 

FloFlores Retreat and Nora’s Island Resort

 Travel Chronicle:   February 5, 2024

Last night we disembarked from the Cathay Pacific airplane, with wobbly legs and droopy eyelids.  We left Kansas City, Saturday 7:30 am February 3 to Chicago, then Hongkong, then Manila, a 25-hour-long trip, including stopovers.     

The next day we awoke to a different world at a plush Manila hotel close to the airport.  The third floor of the hotel was a food court with at least 6 all-you-can-eat stations:  East Indian, Filipino, Western, Continental, Asian, and Japanese.   We were surrounded by good-looking young people, which relative to how old we are, included anyone under the age of 55.   The service staff were all smiles and squinty eyes.  I was told their numbers helped reduce unemployment.  Each had his/her/whoever distinctive uniform which designated his/her/whoever role and function. 

The security and police were smart in their form-fitting long-sleeved white shirts and dark blue pants.  They purchased the shirts and had them altered to look like they were tailored.  Despite their other “law-enforcement” paraphernalia, they showed no hint of an authoritarian demeanor.  They acted cheerful and accommodating like the rest of the staff.

It reminded me of the claim, that for Filipinos, it is alright to be happy.  One should take time to be happy.  One is expected to be happy.

February 10, 2024 

Today is the end of the day of my birthday.  I am 82.  We are at “Flores Retreat.”  This is what Nora and I have decided to call our beachfront property, a change from what we used to call “Flores Sanctuary.”  Unfortunately, a small part of the reason for having a name for the property and for having “Flores” as part of the name is to help establish a boundary from those who presume to lay claims to the property.  It is an old Filipino tradition that what belongs to one family member belongs to other family members as well.  It is not that there are no boundaries, but these boundaries have to be explicitly declared.

This day of my birthday was uneventful but productive.  We made important decisions about the property.  Nora’s siblings are having a reunion here in April and we have to get ready.  Most metals, including nails, corrode to the onslaught of the salty air. 

We did not have a birthday celebration today.  There is no birthday cake, only a glass of wine. However, there WERE two birthday cakes in two celebrations of my birthday while we were in Manila.  That was more than enough.  Many more wished me well than I expected.  As birthdays go, it all went very well.

Being here is a retreat.  After an arduous trip, I slept for what felt like two whole days. I am reviving relaxed, peaceful and awake.  One may not hear one’s heartbeat, but the rhythm of the sea reminds one, one is alive and surrounded by life. 

I will email this before the day is over and wish you all very well, with warmth and affection. 

Luis  

Philippine travel chronicle:  February 14, 2024
Nora’s Island Resort and Flores Retreat update: February 2024

There is a difference between Nora’s Island Resort and Flores Retreat.  The former is an Island that Nora leased from the Department of Agriculture and/or the Department of public lands(?).  It is also under the jurisdiction of the Department of Tourism. 

The lease requires Nora allow public access to the island and some activity for visitors. Thus, Nora’s Island Resort came-to-be and counted as one of the tourist attractions in the area.

Nora’s Island Resort

Below are samples of Internet posts (most posted in 2021) about Nora’s Island Resort. The exact location is in Sitio Buyo (the smallest unit of a government political entity), Tinambac, Camarines Sur.  There are images of Flores Retreat as well.

Vlog:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGbvgHmDMFM

Contributor unknown: https://noras-island-resort.business.site/   

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/100067370328060/videos/noras-island-and-beachfront-retreat/349566593813722/   

https://www.facebook.com/p/Noras-Island-San-Antonio-Cam-Sur-Philippines-100067370328060/

Arial view

 

Nora’s Island Resort is an Island on a shelf.  This shelf extends about 400 meters (?) from shore.  It is densely populated with rocks of all sizes.  My guess is that the average size is that of ranch animals in seated positions.  Most of the rocks are black and look like lava rocks.

During low tide, one can see locals walking on the shelf, fishing and/or looking to catch something for supper.

According to Marivic, a lady that works for us, she can walk to almost the edge of the shelf with the water reaching a level between her ankle and knee.  During high tide she says the water extends above her head.  Marivic is 5-feet-2-inches and based on her gesturing, we surmise the water is at least 6 feet deep.  

I was curious about why she would even venture out during high tide.  She replied she could harvest two batches of seaweed which sells for eight pesos a kilo.  Seaweed farming is an important industry in the Philippines. The carrageenan in seaweed is used in food preparation, cosmetics and has other uses as well.  Seaweed farms in the Philippines are threatened by climate change.

During high tide, all one sees is open sea except for the frosty line of waves that break at the edge of the shelf.  This is visible in the arial view.

-o-o-o-o-o-

I have had to explain numerous times that we were not entrepreneurs, nor developers, nor out to make a profit that could replace what we made from our previous employment.  Our money-making interests were directed towards supporting local efforts (giving back) and providing for our daily needs.

The flurry about Nora’s Island Resort as a lucrative tourist attraction was primarily due to local excitement and a misunderstanding of our original intentions.  In compliance with the requirements of the Department of Tourism, the island is easy to access during low tide.  In addition, Nora’s Island Resort provides a meditation walk and shrine to Stella Maris (“lady of the sea” or literally “star of the sea”).  Her statue faces the sea atop a tower located on the highest point in the island.  Other structures on the island include small bungalows that allow for overnight stay, a gazebo, and an activity building.  The resort is ideal for small-group gatherings/meetings and retreats.      

Because Nora’s Island Resort rests on a shelf, we provide only limited opportunities for boating, surfing and other challenging water sports.  Swimming in areas clear of rocks and snorkeling within the shelf is possible.  One can fish and wade to the edge of the shelf.   

So far, families and the groups of friends that have visited the resort have all had positive enjoyable experiences.  We have had no complaints. 

Nora’s Island resort today:  February 10, 2024

The flurry about Nora’s Island as a successful tourist resort has diminished to almost nothing.  Of course, there was the pandemic but our not being here enough in the flesh, has a lot to do with it.

The other more definitive reason is that the resort is not accessible by automobile.  When Nora and her siblings first encountered the Island, they were 45 minutes into a hike.  There were no roads to the area.  Other than by hiking one can take a banca (native outrigger canoe) from the nearest barangay (San Antonio) during low tide and when the sea is relatively calm.  These were characteristics that appealed to us at the time. 

With the allure of a tourist attraction, it was not long before a path to where the Island was situated was built.  The dirt road allowed visitors to the Island. Since then, patches of this road were paved but it did not make it more accessible.  During heavy rains ruts in the road were created and not repaired.  These ruts became worse over a span of just one year (deeper and more slippery).  At present, other than heavy commercial vehicles, only 4-wheel-drive SUVs and 4-wheel-drive pickup trucks can make the trip when conditions allow.

We have placed anything that has to do with a resort on hold until road access is readily available.  Otherwise, even if we build it, they cannot come. 

Flores Retreat update:  February 10, 2024 

Because of the unsuitability of Nora’s Island as a second dwelling for us, Nora decided to purchase the beachfront adjacent to Nora’s Island.  The location was ideal.  At present there are two main housing structures on the property, one of which will become our second home.  

Originally, we agreed to allow access to these facilities to visitors of the resort when we were not in residence.  This has not worked out well. 

At present we are working to make Flores retreat a real and separate entity from Nora’s Island resort.  We can go from there.

The absence of visitors has created a calm consistent with our original intent – a place of meditation and repose, a harmonious assimilation and blending with the surround (physical and social).

The rhythm of the sea is a heartbeat.  It is also a beckoning, a seduction.  To what I do not yet know but to which I am drawn.

potpourri

·         We had a gander and a goose.  We still have a gander and I am trying to get our caretaker to get another goose.

·         Our chicken population is down.  A good portion was eradicated by some kind of disease.  Still, about a dozen have survived and will no doubt increase their numbers.  Our caretaker tells me that one hen has begun to lay eggs.

·         It has been cool.  It rains every day.  There is always a breeze.  Nora has a cold.  We sleep a lot (laziness).