Eulogy and tribute to Nora Flores                                                     Read at the RIME Buddhist center (rimecenter.org)                                                     April 13, 2025 (This version is very slightly updated)

                     -o-o-o- Nora’s picture to follow May 10, 2026 –o-o-o-

I would like to thank St. Marks church for hosting this Memorial for Nora on behalf of the RIME center.  I would also like to thank Lama Matt for all he has done. Lama Matt has done many things.  We have a lot to be thankful for.

I think it would not be fruitful to list all of Nora’s career citations, awards, degrees and tokens of gratitude.  Neither would a timeline of her personal life be fruitful.  We are with the RIME center, a place for spiritual development.  I will focus on the spiritual.

Welcome invitations to this memorial were extended to Nora’s extended family with her late husband Felix Quiason [spouses in parentheses].  The oldest living Quiason is Dr. Arturo Quiason (Dr. Emmeline), followed by Mario Quiason (Aida), Linda Bustos (Dr. Jonas), Renato Quiason (Letty), Rudolfo Quiason, Dr. Victor Quiason (Cathy) and Dr. Stella Quiason (Dr. Charlie Smith).

 Felix and Nora were married for roughly 43 years.  Felix was the eldest of 7 siblings. They have three children: Emilie (Dan), Melissa (Alan) and Robert. Two of her children have children as well: Collin, Carson, Maya and Dylan.  The Quiasons sustain a large functionally close extended family based in the Kansas City area that spans at least 3 generations. (They are all good.)

Invitations to this memorial were also sent to Nora’s family-of-origin.  They are 13 siblings of which Nora is the oldest.  Seven are still living: Salvador “Boy” Tuy, Jr., Olivia Tuy Rances, Ester Tuy Azurin, Enrico Tuy, Teresita Tuy, Emiliana Tuy and Benjamin Tuy.  Many are in the Philippines, a lot of them are in the U.S., the rest are scattered in different parts of the world.  Despite their geographic separations, they have sustained a strong cohesive extended family system, in no small part enhanced by digital media.  Bicol is their home province in the Philippines where they periodically convene and visit.  (They are all good.)

I am Luis. Nora and I have been married roughly for 10 years. I have 4 siblings. Frances, Victor and Froilan.  Frances has 7 children: Sandra (Raul), Raffie (Nadine), Bernadette, Eddie (Rhoda), Miggy (Vivian) and Danny (?).  Sandra and Raul have 3 children (Butch, Gibby and Anjo.  Raffie and Nadine has two twins and another son.  Eddie and Rhoda have 1 son. Miggy and Vivian have 2 sons (Ivan and ?) .    

Victor and Eden have 7 children:  Inton (Angela), John-John (Kreng), Fort-Fort (Joy), Yasnaya (Che), Jango (Chole) and Baby Vic.  Inton and Angela have a son Haiku. They are a very close and help each other a lot ever since they became a family.

I have 6 children, all boys: Alejandro (Rebecca), Bengoy (Amy), Paulo (Allison), Nathaniel, Nickolas and Froilan. Two of my children have children: Sophia, Alethea, Carlo, Izzy, Jackson and Hannah. We reside scattered in different parts of the U.S. and the world. (We are all good.)

Filipino families form large conglomerates – extended families within extended families.

Invitations to this memorial service were sent to Nora’s colleagues in Kansas City and in Fairbanks, Alaska.  Invitations were sent to members of the Community of Reason and to the Enlightenment group.  (They are all good as well.)

Finally, Nora and I are both members of the RIME center.  We have close relationships with many members of this Sangha or community.  Many are here seated around us. (We are all good.)

Thank you all for being here.  Thank you to those in the land of Zoom.

 About Nora.  

Nora was raised as a Roman Catholic in the Philippines.  She married her first husband in the Catholic faith. She was and is a good Catholic.  Later, after migrating to America as a married adult, she became a Swami, then a Buddhist.  She and I facilitated courses in Buddhism here at the RIME center as part of her spiritual quest.  Most recently she pursued Shamanism, partly to hold on to something in this life as well as a way of accessing the spiritual realm.  She was interested in self-healing.  Nora believed Buddhism spanned these traditions.

What is Buddhism?  To be a Buddhist is to be awake in the present moment, to be mindful of everything that constitutes our lives.  One is to avoid the extremes of self-privation, self-punishment, and self-indulgence.  It is to avoid the extremes of greed and hatred.  It is to avoid extremes of any kind, political and social as well.  Rather, one is to live a life of moderation and harmony, with the environment and with all sentient beings, as set forth in the eight-fold plan.  One size never fits all.

To be a Buddhist is to free oneself of suffering by letting go of the illusion that anything is permanent and independently separate of everything else.  The truth is that everything is the result of causes and conditions in a continuous never-ending flux.  Nothing is permanent.  Nothing lasts forever.  One never steps in the same river twice.  Suffering and unhappiness are the result of our own folly, of our own ignorance.  It is the arrogance of our ego that clings to and nurtures the illusion of permanence.  Letting go of our ignorance is the most important step in freeing oneself of suffering.  In turn, one gives way to natural joy, contentment, happiness and opens the path towards awakening and enlightenment.  At the same time, consciousness reverberates across generations, throughout space and time.  Everything is related to everything.

 Way of the Bodhisattva

The Way of the Bodhisattva is another important practice of Buddhism which has to do with how one relates to others.  One relates to others by doing no harm, by relating to others in ways that enhances the other’s well-being.  One cannot own another person.  One cannot be exploitive.  One ought not use others for ulterior ends.  Rather, one relates to others in ways that bring about their Buddha nature which is a natural endowment of all sentient beings.

The Way of the Bodhisattva is to relate to others with love, compassion - and I will add - with sensibility.  We have to be sensible because we live in an imperfect world.  We live in the world of relative Bodhichita.  Today the numerous voices of the innocent who are suffering, starving, dying and dead, drown out our rationalizations of righteousness and our false claims of necessity. War is never okay.

 Nora’s path

Finally, Nora’s journey combines spirituality with her individual legacies - with who she was and is.  In Nora’s generation, familial or familial-like relationships are the most important and the most valued.  They form the strongest and the most long-lasting bonds.  I am sure this is the case in many other cultures, if not now, then at least at some time in their history.  Rather than simply based on reciprocity, which is self-serving – you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours - familial and close-friendships are based on need, love, commitment and loyalty.  They go way beyond simple self-interest.  Nora’s generation is open-to and strives to extend these familial-like relationships to all.

Nora’s other legacy that merges with the Way of the Bodhisattva is her calling as a physician.  She lived her version of the Hippocratic oath with those she came in contact with.  She always brought peace, calm and inspiration.  

Finally, and ethically, Nora was and is a natural humanitarian, one who does not relate to others based on man-made insidious, judgmental, divisive social categorizations. She relates to others without guile, malice or prejudice.

Nora will always be with all of us. 

Thank you, Luis Flores

April 4, 2025 (noon)

Today I was at my wife’s cremation

There was a storm advisory.  It was raining and cloudy, but everything was still bathed in bright light at noon.  Later that day it became overcast and gray.

The crematorium was shaped like a rectangular box much like the containers inserted into the cremation chamber. 

Nora was lying on a wooden flatbed covered by a rectangle cardboard box beside the cremation chamber.  It was a box in a box in a box.  I asked that a picture be taken.

  

I had to be with Nora during this transition.

I was relieved and pleasantly overcome.  Nora was still wearing her hospital gown and blanket.  She had the hospital paper identifying bracelets still on her wrist.  She had a white paper bracelet on her left ankle (no doubt identifying her to the crematorium). 

She looked very well.  She looked great.  Her eyes and mouth were closed.   She was in her natural state without make-up or primping.  She did not look pale.  She looked peaceful and calm without care or worry.  She looked like she was just sleeping.  I was glad that she was not subjected to any kind of major invasive and transformative procedures.  She genuinely looked like Nora.

But she felt cold.  I said goodbye to her twice.  They had to lift the cardboard covering a second time. 

 I pressed the button to start cremation, (better I, than a stranger).

 The fire raged and roared loud inside that huge metal cremation chamber. 

I faced the opening, standing, hands clasped in what universally is recognized as a sign of praying.  I stood silently in remembrance.   After some time, I lowered my hands, positioned my left palm facing up with my right palm resting over my left.  It is common when giving and/or receiving a gift.

Finally, after some time, I lowered both hands, closed my eyes and stood in repose. 

I left, certain that her remains were reduced to ash.     

Luis

Celebration of Life: Nora Flores

 

Celebration of Life: Nora Flores – April 26, 2025

(December, 2025: very slightly altered version)

Welcome to this Celebration of Life.  It is what Nora wanted - a celebration of life with all of you as well as with all those that still echo from the infinite past. Thank you all for coming.  I am sure you are dear to Nora in a unique and special way.

Nora is 82 years old.  I am 83.  I am her husband.  I am older than her by 9 months.  My birthday is in February.  Her's is in October.

We have been married shy of 10 years and have known each other for about 2 years more.  That means both of us lived separate lives that spanned 70 years before we met.  I can only speak to 12 of her 82 years.

Since this is a celebration of life, let me offer a maybe-funny, maybe-whimsical fictitious narrative.  The characters in this narrative are not intended to portray any real person, even though the names of real persons are used in the story.

 

The Covert Operatives 

It all started with Emilie, Nora’s eldest daughter.  She handed me $500 saying she would follow it with $500 more.  

“It is to replenish your cache, your go-bag, from which my mother drew about $1000 several days ago,” she explained.  It was part of the stuff we had ready in case we had to activate in a moment’s notice; or, if we had to disappear for good.  I was puzzled and shocked at the same time.  I did not know what to say or how to respond. 

It became clear that Emilie “knew.”  She knew her mother and I were undercover agents; that we were covert operatives.  It did not matter to me why and how she came to know.  The fact is that she knew.  How could Nora be so cavalier as to divulge what we successfully kept under wraps for so long?  

I said nothing.  I was supposed to say nothing.  When I brought it up to Nora, she was calm and undismayed.  “You worry too much and overthink everything,” she replied.  “Give others credit.  No one, in his/her right mind would give credence to such an outlandish preposterous explanation.  This is our real cover.  The cover for our cover.  We can talk about what we do without actually saying or revealing anything.” 

I admit Nora's explanation did make some sense.  I found it appealing but it was not like I had an epiphany.  This was not like Nora.  

Nora continued trying to convince me.  She did not try too hard as she spoke as if she was talking to herself. 

Nora told the story that she frequently related to others, of how when we were young in the Philippines, we lived in the same housing district and went to the same school.  She emphasized that we never knew each other then or ran into each other then.  It was only here, in the U.S., when we were well into our 60’s that we actually met - and later married.

“This is what I mean by saying something but not saying anything,” Nora explained.  What she did not say was that not only were we in the same location in the Philippines on more than one occasion, but we were also in the same location in the U.S. on several occasions. We were in Manhattan, Kansas around the same time for example.  After we retired, Nora worked in many different medical facilities as a locum tenens, meaning that she filled temporary positions for people that were on leave, or positions that were in the process of being filled.  The setup was perfect.  It took us all over the country: Kansas, Missouri, Rhode Island and Alaska were a few of the hubs out of which we worked.  It allowed us to undertake many covert missions at a moment's notice. “There are no coincidences,” Nora reminded me.   

You will note that I am not giving enough specifics to allow anyone here to establish the truth of what Nora and I are saying.  We are not saying anything.  There is no evidence.  There is no record.  

This means I do not have to kill you.  Actually, we never killed anyone – not even the bad guys.  We could have but we didn’t.  We wouldn’t even if we could.  It is not what we signed up for.  We were in communications, strategic maneuvers, logistics and analysis.  We were into meditation, reflection and cogitation.  War of all kinds is our greatest enemy.  There is a misconception that covert work is all about getting away with combat and killing; with hurting and destroying.  This misconception makes money for the entertainment business but is far from the truth.  We were a vehicle; angels of life rather than demons of darkness.  

Still. I was slightly undaunted.  “Who would believe us?”  I muttered under my breath.  I looked at her dubiously.  

“What,” she implored me to drop the subject.  “What? she blurted out again after a pause.”  I would have said “what…what…what.,” echoing the structure of Pilipino where vowel sounds are repeated in rapid succession.  

[example “Inaasaan ko na susubukan mo ang sinabi ko sa iyo.” Translation: “I am hoping you will try I suggested to you.”]

“Oh, all right,” she finally conceded.  She spoke slowly and carefully.  “We may need Emilie,” she said.  “Emilie is a covert operative like we are, only with an organization much more inclusive than the one we belong to.”  Nora breathed a sigh of relief.  It was then that I had an epiphany.  I understood what she was risking.          

“We are safe,” Nora assured me.  She came close and drew me into a long embrace.  “We will never have to pick up and disappear at a moment’s notice,” she continued.  “We will never have to be separated.  We will never have to flip a coin”

“Besides we have our ways, and we have our secret.  Remember the quote that hangs in our bedroom.  There lies the key.  No one will ever figure it out.”  

But where was it in the quote, I asked myself.  Was it in the words?  Was it in the frame?  Was it a link or clue to something else?

What does the quote mean?  What does it hide? 

And I’d choose you,  

in a hundred lifetimes,  

in a hundred worlds, 

in any version of reality.  

I’d find you and 

I’d choose you.